Penis + Vagina = Spanking

My Dad only spanked me once.

My parents divorced when I was less than 2 years old. I don't even remember them ever being together. During the week I lived in my mothers household with all the billions of step brothers and sisters (a.k.a. invaders) and my sister and two halfies. On the weekends I lived at my dad's with my sister and four halfies.

Across the street from my dad's house lived an ugly girl named Sheila. She was not only ugly, she was a smarmy little bitch. I never liked her. She smelled like baby food. Strained peas even.

One day, completely unprovoked, she yelled at me from across the street. She yelled;

"Merkley is a PEEEEENISSSSS!"

So I yelled back:

"Sheila is a VAGIIINAAAA!"

Remember, I lived in Utah. Mormons have trouble with nasty words like penis and vagina and this was long before anyone ever used these words outside a laboratory. All the neighbors gasped simultaneously causing a great drop in outside air pressure triggering tornadoes and hurricanes and pulling farts out of every butt for miles. Phones began ringing, newspapers were called. Infants ears were filled with Drano to cleanse them of the filth...

Eventually, Jesus Christ himself appeared to my father and he said unto him:

"Harvey, your son must be punished for his evil deeds. Take him high upon the mountain and smear him with goat blood and light him on fire!"

Luckily, my father never really did follow the letter of the law. Even more lucky still is that there is no such thing as a talking, floating Jesus. I totally made that whole part up.

What really happened is that for some weird reason, my father thought that I needed to apologize to this ugly cunt. This was totally out of character for my dad. He was usually the one telling everyone to relax.

That evening he firmly grabbed my hand marched me across the street, rang the bell, we were admitted into the stinky house where we both stood at the door. My father kindly announced:

"My son has something he would like to say to your daughter."

"No I don't"

"My son would like to apologize to your daughter." He said again but this time quite slowly and deliberately."

"No --- I ---- would ----- not." I said even MORE slowly and more deliberately. "She called me a PENIS and I called her a VAGINA, big deal, why should *I* have to apologize?"

Apparently, despite my dead on logic and rational, reasonable argument, repeating such ghastly scientific terminology was not what was needed right then.

"Well I apologize on behalf of my son."

I was then marched home, ushered into my fathers office where I received my first and only bare assed spanking. to be honest, it kinda hurt, but the whole time I was thinking:

"This is perfect. One day I will be an adult and I will hold this over my dad's head and embarrass him for his lack of self control and being overwhelmed by his stupid ego and pride being bruised."

And I have been embarrassing my dad with that story ever since. He is a good sport. He laughs every time. He has to, he was TOTALLY WRONG and I was TOTALLY RIGHT.

HA!

I sure do love my dad. He is the best dad in the world.

the end.

Now here is a little photograph I made yesterday of my friend Quinn Luke (a.k..a. Bing Ji Ling) and some hot chick named Alannah and all of her sisters. Click on it to see a bigger version.

Then, I made into a flyer for our next show at The Rickshaw Stop on June 4th. Click on it to see a bigger version.

That's all for now!

Don't get caught yelling VAGINA in a mormon town!

Your VAAAAAGIIIIINNNNAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH yelling buddy,
merkley???