Jesus Always Loved Me More Than Your Average Asshole

In 1979, when I was 13, Jesus once again proved his greater love for me over my very own sister.

Erika, my less loved sister, had been dialing the local radio station all day long --- like non-stop dialing, her fingers were broken and bleeding from so much dialing dialing -- to win a radio contest. They were giving away a record or something. I really was hoping that she would win, but she seemed so desperate I just didn't feel like it was going to happen. But still, dial she would. I mostly heard all of this from the other room. I had the inclination a few times to pick up one of the other phones and tell her she had won and then just mail her one of my mom's crappy Lettermen records.

My sister was pretty easily fooled.

I used to tell her airplanes were flying saucers. She would say;

"NUH UH, that's a plane, I'm not stupid."

Then I'd say,

"No seriously, the newer flying saucers all look like planes and they follow the same flight paths to stay undetected."

Then she'd get all nervous looking and say;

"What should we do? What should we do?"

Then I'd freak her out even more, maybe even convincing her to hide in the bathtub for a half an hour... She was older than me by 2 years, I did variations of this same trick bilions and bilions of times and it always worked.

Anyway, back to how Jesus loved me more than her.

So she's dialing like a crazy person dialing - hang up - dialing - hang up -- dial -- hang up.. finally in complete exasperation and defeat, she slammed the phone down.

I said;

"Dial one more time"

She said very frustratedly:

"NOOOUAH, somebody already won."

"What's the number?"

"976-KRSP"

I picked up the phone and dialed ---- and if you can't guess what happened by the title to this post well then you are a fucking idiot.

I WON! first try.

Anyway, you'd think my sister would have been mad, sad, jealous or pissed, but that's just because you don't understand what a wonderful, caring person my sister has always been. She got so excited and happy for me that she started to cry. It was like she won only better. And she really was happy for me. It wasn't fake.

That's the part of this story that proves that Jesus always loved me more than your average asshole. Because that little Easter Bunny motherfucker gave me the weirdest, most gullible and wonderful sister a brother could ever hope for. She won't even be mad at calling her gullible here on the internet. She'll just tell me how funny and talented I am and I'll scare her about UFOs. It's a beautiful relationship we have. I'm not joking.

Anyway, the record was "The Eagles -- The Long Run" -- my mom had to drive me to pick it up. That is when I learned that all DJ's are nerdy, booger eating, swamp dwelling trolls and all radio stations are located in a stinky, moldy, trailer in the very same swamp.

Now here's a picture I took of my wonderful sister Erika. -- She has 5 kids. The oldest is in college.